Tag Archive: bliss


​life, hope, and the now …

 … …

navigating the path ahead, negotiating the thorns scattering the cold bleak ground,
we walk oblivious of the ravages of tomorrow, not knowing the catapults of bliss and of sorrow,
seeking only peace and contentment here in this torrid realm, adrift at times on waters choppy, hands tied far away from the helm,
yet and still, hope breathes in, the soot of departed yesterdays, seeking evermore the promise of uncharted pathways,
yes, hope breathes, infusing fresh air banishing the stale putrid stench,
urging us ever onwards, imploring us to grab each day, from the detritus of the past,
stilling the mind,
now, today … … …

gibberishly sprechening …

your eyes sketch skies,
silken sandpaper,

your touch,

the smell of your hair,
seducing me,

avalanches of curls,
kisses like tributaries fanning out, eroding the cold hard stone,

in your arms,
in shadows of your form … …

… … I am not whole,
perhaps half and half,

but never am I,
with you … … alone.

interwoven jazz … …

image

time to leave the obfuscation,
euphemisms,
platitudes,

time to shed the detritus of who we once were,
why we once never could be,

strewn amidst the thorns,
jabbing through the turbulent sea,

each wave,

breaking,
crashing,

threaded strings,
foamy universes within foam,

dashing the jagged cliffs,

steep,
daunting,
impregnable,
conceited,

arrogance of invincibility,

the choice of loss,

tracer bullets pockmarking the diseased sky,

splintering egos,
crushing ideals,
held aloft sacrosanct,
wringing ideology,
mere attempts,
feeble at least,

the grandiose fiction of an all en-compassing “explanation of it all”

the unscaleable wall,

where dreams collide,
headlong into concrete apartheid,

headstrong,
belief,
unreason,
faith,

trust,
honesty, love,

lie fractured,
scattered bones strewn here,
there,

and some places foreboding yet alive,
in between,

the transparency of justice,
or,

the prism of competing beliefs,

which leaves this soul, cut,

ripped apart,
torn,
at the seams,

having set sail on the river of hopes,

having soared the blue expanse,
in free flight,

a torch, always,

always, burning, shining bright,

a beacon in the desolate night,

aloft at last,

winged chariots of unfinished dreams.

image

the calm balm of the palm

there are these moments,
often permeating my pores,

the sense of you,
your smile,
your presence,

a soothing balm,

enveloping,
cocooning,
caressing,
infusing,

moments,
with you,

simple,
true,

wrapping me in a warmth of serenity,

soothing shroud,
warm,
wild,

calm,

gently swaying in the breeze,

an intoxicating tropical breeze,

nestled in your arms,
beneath the shade of a palm,

the mirage

just out of view,
hazy,
shades of hope,

love,
peace,

intermingling, racing through tributaries,

invading,
veins of scarlet blood,

streaking down,
cheeks moist with tears,

seeking,
searching,

hither and thither,

as the years amble on,
as the flesh wrinkles …

leaving behind glimpses of soft,
gentle joy,

slowly,
effortlessly, inexorably,

as dreams settle,
floating between laughs,

onto the barren ground,
soon to wither.

talkin’ yakkitty-yak blah blues … …

why do these tears fall like blood,
engulfed in a torrential flood,

when will these pangs take flight,
fleeing open night,

what can we do,
to be true,

to me, and to you …

sprinkled scribbles …

sketched against skin,

softly soothing, dipped in inked nectar, infused with desires unleashed,

to live, to taste the salt of sweat on flesh, to walk in the torrential rain, drenched in perennial desire,

scorching, broiling, slowly inflamed, centuries, months, moments, decades,

the moth to the fire … … …

talkin’ dreamscapey blues ….

slipping through sieves,
time leaves,

scurrying off, slinking away,
so let me hold you close, tight,
tonight,

as dreams crash, plummeting,
spiralling gradually, slowly, agonisingly,
into freefall flight,

blinded by knowing whats right,

holding you close,
holding you tight …

Port of Call

Port of Call
 
 
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
 
alone, not lonely,
 
with the breath of the ocean a caressing balm,
soothing pained memories away,
to the swaying of a solitary palm.
 
 
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
 
alone, not lonely,
 
feeling the brushing away of all past turmoil,
on a quest for solace, ever so hard to find,
yet comforted by the crashing of the waves,
as the tide cleanses all pain,
and leaves despair far, far behind.
 
 
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
 
alone, not lonely,
 
drenched in a sea-breeze of mist,
that hushes the ache of bygone moons,
tasting the salty tang on my lips,
as the burnished sun,
over the distant horizon,
swoons,
 
and dips.
 
 
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
 
alone, not lonely,
 
searching, ever searching,
for a slice of solitude,
as memory bids a final adieu,
reaching under the sea so vast,
and seeking comfort in the depths,
while embracing,
the tomorrows to come,
wishing that they be true.
 
 
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
 
alone, not lonely,
 
seeing my truths drown,
as they slip beneath the turquoise waters,
 
feeling my heart ablaze,
with a passion that rarely falters.
 
 
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
 
alone, not lonely,
 
yet knowing that I am home at long last,
wishing the waves would wash away,
the defences that once stood,
like an impregnable wall.
 
 
Barefoot on a talcum beach,
 
alone, not lonely,
 
I have found, at long last,
 
my final port of call.

In the solitary depth of night,

as dreams whisper forgotten lies,

memories murmur,
desires nibble,
passions simmer,

between the embers,
of sweetly burnt eyes.

As dawn’s breath cascades,

skimming over the borders of my hapless heart,

my eyes finally surrendering to slumber, peaceful and deep,

leaving me,

to dream of you,

dreaming,  asleep.

NOSTALGIA: My Family: A Historical Journey Through the Seasons – Part 1 by Afzal Moola, Johannesburg, South Africa.

Afloat on the River

Afloat on the rivers of life,

rootless at times,‎

bogged down in the mire,

at times a lonesome twig cast into the depths of despair,

a vagabond sans destination, sans care. ‎

The tides have washed me,

hither and thither,

never knowing where I would finally rest,

till you held my heart in your tender hands,

clasping it closer to your breast. ‎


All the while gentle ripples have steered me away from desolation,

breathing new purpose,

igniting fresh promise,

reaching around me,
enveloping my soul,

oh yes, ’tis you,

who has carried me through. 

It is only now that I know,

you are the river upon which I sail,

your love the wind at my back,

your presence a comforting respite from the detritus of the shallows,

while quietly you carry me,

towards the passionate streams of the lagoon,

rescuing me,

liberating my heart,

from the noose of the once omnipresent  gallows…

 

A Thirsty Traveller

A Thirsty Traveller …

I’ve rambled through this life,

on a quest to seek the elusive dew of joys’ dawn.

I’ve roamed these desolate streets,

pursuing the mirage of the promise of a new morn.

I’ve crawled through numberless deserts of thirst,

always waiting for a sign,

while searching for the elixir of my life:

your softly quivering, sweetly-scented lips,

as they brushed,

longingly,

against mine …

The Paths we Weave …

Walking alone,

on these meandering paths this life weaves,

weathering the nudges and the tugs of destiny and of fate,

I have walked alone for many a mile,

but not today,

for today,

I weave through alleyways of solitude,

rinsing my cobwebbed memories,

seeking to steer my path,

gently,

so that this pathway of life may lead me to you,

where my only hope is that I am not too late,

as I place my soul at your hearts’ gate …

In your Eyes (scribble 1)

In your Eyes …

Walking along these bending alleys of life,

the promise of meeting a fellow-traveller was deemed far too remote,

and so,

I shut down my heart,

severing all loves’ ties,

but then again,

that was before,

before I gazed into the ocean of your fiery, gentle, irresistibly enticing eyes …

In you Eyes (scribble #2)

1.

As yet another day recedes,

enveloping all under the shawl of night,

so allow me to drown,

in your eyes.

Moments are fleeting,

the fickle hands of time unseeing,

so allow me to seek solace,

in your eyes.

The paths we have trodden are littered with each shard,

of regrets and of the pain that our hearts wish only to discard,

so allow me to seek refuge,

in your eyes.

I’ve walked through the twisting alleyways of this life,

seeking simple joy, away from the desolation and the strife,

so allow me to find peace,

in your eyes.

2.

In your eyes,

I find,

the gentleness that I had left behind,

away from the emptiness of superficial smiles,

far far away from the solitude of the daily grind.

In your eyes,

I feel,

at home at long last,

your love caresses away the restlessness of my past,

stepping out of the shadows to embrace pure contentment,

even though I may be a mere bit player,

in life’s theatrical cast.

In your eyes,

I touch,

the flame of promise that shines through your loving light,

and that is why,

I no longer dread,

the vacuum of this approaching night …

life, love, & sweetly aching blues …

caught red-handed,

stealing moments,

a mere nanosecond,

of hastily borrowed time …

I stand accused,

of a past,

pockmarked by shrapnel skidding off the many alleyways of life …

I plead guilty,

naked and stripped bare,

engaged in a duel with destiny and time,

wasting,

&

wasting away,

scribbling verses in the sand,

devoid of an iota of life’s maddening,

&

Irresistibly seductive rhyme …

Choosing to be Human…

We may choose,

to trudge down life’s pathways alone,

barricading our fragile hearts,

behind ramparts of stone…

We may choose,

to stow our emotions away,

shielding our weary souls,

from the promises of a new day …

We may choose,

to never be hurt again,

safely enveloping our fatigued selves,

tucked away from loves’ pleasures and its pain …

or,

we may choose to be human,

leaping into the cauldron of countless unborn tomorrows,

inviting loves’ soothing balm,

and perhaps,

caressing  away a few of our lonesome sorrows …

and so,

we shall choose to be human,

lowering the defences hewn from bitter experiences pummelled with pain,

as we welcome love into the deepest recesses of our being,

nourishing each other while gently letting go of yesteryears’ stinging pain. 

Chocolatey Dreams…

under a breath of dark chocolatey desire,

the furnace re-ignites dormant dreams.

Dreams dreamed,

basking in a warm cocooned glow,

as you so effortlessly,

set my soul so scorchingly afire…

Madiba (1918 – 2013)

Madiba.

( 1918 – 2013 )

Madiba, you are resting now.

Madiba, you have joined the ancestors.

Madiba, you are with your comrades.

Madiba, you are with us.

Madiba, you are within us.

Madiba, you live!

Madiba lives!

He lives!

He lives!

He lives…

Why do you scribble, they ask,
the answer resists, hesitant…

Why scribble?

crafting rhymes unshackles captive thoughts,
weaving warm words, deftly embroidered onto
the thudding depths of this wild, dancing heart,

seeking peace, flirting with the promise
of bliss, of love, of sharing lengthy silences,

savouring hushed moments in between breaths,
stretching the seconds to caress the naked sky,

as the colours of life swirl around my warm tea-cup,
reading the leaves to divine what the morrow holds,

acknowledging the impermanence of fleeting smiles,
hollowed hearts lost somewhere in the bygone miles,

and so,

I scribble…

Wrestling Verses

Wrestling Verses

Spilling ink onto paper,
reading tea-leaves,

fragments of mirth,
shards of anguish,

remain,
trapped in rolled-up sleeves.

Turning up my collar,
as blue as these days that slip by,

scattered verses plunge into,
the fathoms of unknown waters.

My ink runs, slips, treading lightly,
penning odes to love on bare skin,

your skin,
your bare back my canvas,

my fingers tracing, caressing, scribbling,
homages to our laughter, our tears.

Wrestling verses,

lie spent, exhausted,
famished and parched from saying too much,

still,

my fingers tickle your soft skin,

my ink would run dry,

were it not for your gentle touch

The Oblivious Sea

Loneliness slithers by,
its icy feel brushing past,
coiling itself around my being.

In the depths of solitude,
alone, torn apart by circumstance,

battered to a pulp by fate’s hushed trials,

my desolation is complete,

the final notes of mirth,
now scurry off into this hollow city’s street.

I try to scream,
cocooned in my shell,

none can hear my plea,

its plaintive call,

settling beneath the murky waters,

of the oblivious sea…

The Path to the Road

The Path to the Road …

… I have walked, barefoot,
the gravel splintering my soul,

I have crawled, naked,
the thorns piercing my heart,

I have fallen, broken,
the rain slicing my mind,

I have stood, bearing,
the weight on my twisting back,

I have reached,

finally,

the path I must travel,

to reach the road that shall lead me to you …

The Beach of Promises

The Beach of Promises

1.

Fingers entwined, barely touching,
turquoise waters teasing your dancing toes,

strolling along that serene deserted beach,
our promised dreams within aching reach.

2.

Hands clasped, holding on,
sea-breezes tickling the nape of your neck

walking together, alone, vowing to never breach,
the dreams dreamed on that faraway velvet beach.

3.

Hands in my pockets, alone,
traces of you linger, teasing,

lost in my scribbles, your memory fading out of reach,

my thoughts ablaze, now and then,
catching a whiff of your fragrance,

wafting through alleyways of nostalgia,
your hand in mine on our pristine beach.

Where Wild Violets Grow

Where Wild Violets Grow

Scribbling these verses,
caressing your bare back,
simple rhymes,
flowing from my fingertips.

Scribbling verses,
sprinkling odes to fragrant promises,
your smile lightens the burdens,
off my heavy heart.

Scribbling verses,
soaked in countless kisses,
the moonlight waltzing on your skin.

Scribbling verses,
feeling you,
your love never ceases to flow,

through the streams of my mind,
to a place of our own,
where wild violets grow.

The Nameless

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Slipping through the sieve of history,

the nameless rest.

Not for the nameless are roads renamed, nor monuments built.

Not for the nameless are songs sung, nor ink spilled.

The nameless rest.

Their silent sacrifice,
quiet ordeal,
muted trauma,

remain interred,
amongst their remains.

The nameless rest.

Not for the nameless are doctorates conferred, nor eulogies recited.

Not for the nameless are honours bestowed, nor homages directed.

The nameless rest.

They rest within us,
they walk with us,

in every step that we tread.

They rest within us,
they walk with us,

for their spirit is not dead.

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“Your name is unknown, your deed is immortal”

– inscription at The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier WWII in Moscow

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Special thanks to my dearest elder sister Tasneem Nobandla Moolla, whose conversations with me about life as a non-white person growing up in pre and post-Apartheid South Africa prompted me to write this dedication to the countless, nameless South Africans of every colour, whose sacrifices and dedication in the struggle against Apartheid tyranny must never be forgotten.

My sister’s middle name ‘Nobandla’ which is an isiXhosa name and means “she who is of the people” was given by her godfather, Nelson Mandela, my father’s ‘best-man who could not be, as Nelson Mandela was unable to-make it to my parent’s wedding as he was in jail at the time in the old Johannesburg Fort. This was the 31st December 1961.

My Madness, Me

Madness

Confined by this straight-jacket,
strapped in, numb and dumbed,
a washed-out, has-been, also-ran,

body, eyes, the equilibrium of mind,
rattling like stones in an old tin-can.

Still, I am,

I am,

and I am unchained,

my dreams taking flight, soaring,
above these claustrophobic walls,
of synapses, and dungeons of stone,

swooping through green valleys,
taking a detour to savour the joys,

soaked in torrential, evergreen memories,
of a younger man, with passion in his bone.

I am.

My wings unclipped, unshackled, free,

I am, and though I am unable to see,

I am.

At long last,

me.

The Sound of Distant Ankle Bells

Memories of those delicate tinkling bells,
casually fastened around calloused feet,

take hold of my waking moments,

and fling my thoughts back to a distant time,
where folk-songs were heartily sung,
joyful, yet hopelessly out of rhyme.

I barely saw her, a construction labourer perhaps,
hauling bricks, cement, anything, on a scorching Delhi day,
while in the semi-shade of a Gulmohar tree, her infant silently lay.

A cacophony of thoughts such as these swirl around,
yanking me away from the now, to my cow-dung littered childhood playground.

Now, a lifetime of displacement has hushed the jangling chorus of the past,
to a faint trickle of sounds, as distant as an ocean heard inside tiny sea-shells,

and,

I know, that the orchestral nostalgic crescendo, rises, dips, and swells,
as tantalisingly near, yet a world of time away, as were the tinkling of her ankle-bells.

She

She smiled, gently,
her warmth infusing me,
with a serene stillness of time.

She settled, slowly,
in my waking thoughts,
a soothing balm of simple joy.

She remains, scribbled,
on the walls of my fractured heart,
memories of happiness that once breathed…

…and is no more

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The Petty Posh-Wahzee – Liberation & Ostentation

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The Not-So Distant Past:

The fallen fighters for freedom, are unable to turn in their graves,
their battered, fragmented bones, mixed with a handful of torn rags,
are all that remain, a mute reminder of their selfless valiant sacrifice.

They endured brutal Apartheid harassment, detentions without trial,
torture in the cells, and mental anguish when loved ones disappeared,
they left their homeland, to continue the struggle against racial bigotry,
while countless others fought the scourge of white-minority rule at home.

Nelson Mandela and many, many others, spent their lives imprisoned,
on islands of stone, and on islands of the cruellest torture, yet they stood,
never bowing, never scraping, they stood, firm for ideals for which they were prepared to die,

and many, many comrades did die, at the hands of the callous oppressor,
and many, many comrades perished in distant lands, torn from their homes,
while the struggle continued, for decades, soaked in blood, in tears, in pain.

The Present:

19 years have passed, since freedom was secured at the highest of prices,
delivering unto us, this present, a gift of emancipation from servitude,

a freedom to walk this land, head held high, no longer second-class citizens,
in the land of our ancestors, whose voices we hear and need to heed today.

I do not care much for fashion, Lewis-Fit-On and Sleeves unSt.-Moron,
yet the ostentation that I witness baffles even my unsophisticated palate,

our ancestors’ plaintive whispers are being dismissed, left unheeded, as
we browse the aisles for more and more, always for more and yet more.

Asphyxiated by the excess of the Petty Posh-Wahzee, we find ourselves,
perched precariously on the edge, of a dissolution of all that is humane,

babies go hungry, wives are battered, our elders left in hospitals for hours,
I cringe as I scribble these words, perhaps too sanctimonious and preachy,

yet I know, deep in the marrow of my brittle bones, I know, I know, I know,
this tree of freedom planted by the nameless daughters and sons of Africa,

needs to be shielded, nurtured, protected from our very own baser impulses,
so that the precious tree of freedom, may bear the fruit that may feed us all,

for if not, then we are doomed, to tip over, and into the yawning abyss, we shall fall.

The Tears of the Clown

A veil of smiles,
worn effortlessly.

Tuning out the blurring din,
alone in the cackling throng,

never hoping to belong,
though pining to fit-in.

Peeling off the thin facade,
feeling the pained charade,
melting into the dim parade.

Trickling effortlessly down,
over the strained contours,

of a spurious laugh,

the tears of the clown,

rehearsed, rehashed,

form an unending cold stream,
dissolving the lingering traces,

of this simple boy’s dream

Within Me

Flowing through the rivulets of my everyday thoughts,
memories of you surface, gasping for air, breathing in,
permeating, absorbed by the pores of my ageing skin.

Famished, greedily gulping mouthfuls of fractured life,
awash in distant yesteryear, when your feathery kisses,
banished the vacuum, dispelling my anguish and strife.

You are eternally carved, and embroidered into my soul,
I wash ashore, smashing against the boulders of the now,
seeking solace, begging for absolution with my empty bowl.

The book of fate is sealed shut, the tea-leaves have been read,
nothing remains within me, the burden of smiling has been shed.

Now I am stranded, between dreams and the empty years ahead,
searching for forgiveness, in the miles I have yet to wearily tread.

Digging deep, entrenched,
barricaded against love’s bayonet,
securing the heart,
impregnable, shielded,

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but,
love breaches the lines.

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The defences crumble,
walls of steel melt away,
shields are lowered,
minefields disappear,

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as,
love overwhelms the night.

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Alone now, desolate, exposed,
my embattled heart lies injured,
the fatal blow being dealt by you…

…in the trenches, in love.

The Canvas of Night

The Canvas of Night

Stars like sprinkled sugar,
lay strewn across the canvas of night,

enthralled by the wonder of the cosmos,
my dreams take to the heavens in effervescent flight,

I bathe in the beauty, soaked in sublime delight,
absorbed in moments of bliss, transfixed by the serene sight.

Stars like sprinkled sugar,
lay strewn across the canvas of night,

and my being is infused with feelings of hope,

for even in darkness I find the sprinkled sugar of hope’s light.

note: special thanks to one of my heroes, the late Dr. Carl Sagan, for making science accessible to younger me, many, many moons ago.

Passion in D-Major

… Passion in D-Major …

It was felt, the sensuous brush-strokes on a canvas,

swirling,

to a symphonic crescendo,

of our shared heartbeats,

fading between the notes,,

feeling your soft body entwined with mine,

your form bathed in my infinite kisses,

our orchestral desire rising,

conducting a shared fusing of passion,

… the music echoing …

over the precipice,

on the brink of dazzling rainbow hues,

lost in the void,
of an eternal instant,

plunging through the depths of rhyme,

pleading,
forever pleading,

for a prolonged …

bouquet of shared time…

The Scribbler's most vocal critic...

The Scribbler’s most vocal critic…

A Chipped Heart

 

Dreaming, my heart brittle as glass,

my solitary facade a pitiful farce,

 

shards tearing out of my skin,

seeking release, from cages within,

 

I am lost, in the dream,

bellowing out a silent scream,

 

torn from reality, drowning in the now,

yet I refuse,

I refuse to succumb,

 

I refuse to bow.

 

My chipped heart, may be wounded,

wreathed in pain,

 

still,

 

I believe, love, truth, belonging,

 

will take my hand,

 

again…

Aching to Ache

Clawing into myself,
digging, scraping, scratching a phantom itch.

Amputating feelings, thoughts, emotions,

love,

always excising love,

to feel some pain,
for once, to feel the ache, the heartbreak, the anger, the desolation, the loss, the pangs of remorse,

to feel anything at all,

not this numbness,
these tattered synapses, this innured state of anaesthetised unfeeling, the brittle thoughts that shatter, painless, when I stumble and crash, and fall.

I ache for the ache, pining to pine, hungering to hunger, bleeding fragments of myself, only to bleed, to feel,

alive,

again…

Tendrils of Hope

Refusing to succumb,

to the alluring haze of self-pity,

I refuse to wallow,
in an ocean of regret,

I choose to banish thoughts of despair,

dispelling pain, while tempting joy to emerge from its shielded lair.

I shall sow the seeds of promise,

nourishing well,

the tendrils of hope,

breathing new life into my nights, my days.

I must stand, I will rise, I have to believe,

in a better tomorrow,

not perfect, nor rosy,

yet filled with tidbits of bliss,

as well as with shards of sorrow.